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My Favourite NV08 Quotes

February 27, 2008 By Emme Leave a Comment

I was in one of those sessions the past two-days where ones mind tends to wander. I am pleased to say that it was not at Northern Voice. The speakers I encountered there kept my mind entertained. Similarly I am pleased to announce that this was not one of those moments when I started writing angry poetry. The presenters were very nice and not even remotely insulting to ones intelligence – it was just material that made ones mind wander. And luckily today, it decided to wander to Northern Voice, as opposed to thoughts that might somehow get me into trouble. What I kept coming back to as I thought of Northern Voice was all of the wonderful people that I met and of the many funny things that seemed to come out of their mouths when they opened them.

Here are a few favorite quotes I overheard at NV08:

  1. Meg Tilley in the ‘Book to Blog and Blog to Book Session’, “Write a book or blog? BLOGGING!!!! Weeeeeee!!!!” If you were there you can attest to her arms being flung in the air and shaking as she kicked her feet on the word ‘blogging’. Funniest thing ever!

    Meg Tilly

    Photo by CWill BC

  2. The Littlest Duckie talking to the Firefly at A Bright Guy’s birthday bash, “People of your generation ….”. In defense of the poor Firefly, who momentarily shone a little less, my dear duckie, she is only 5 years older than you! When did five years become an entire generation! I am five years older than you for goodness sake! Certainly hope that isn’t one of your pick up lines.
  3. Can’t remember whether this next quote referred to blogging or WordPress, but the young philosopher behind it made the following observation – “It’s that quirky girlfriend that you love, but really gets around all over the Internet.”
  4. Discussing the pitfalls to working from a home office and dangers of spending the day meowing with the cat, the fellow looked at me, upon my concern of becoming a little loopy and said, “You mean loopier then you have these past few days.” So on that note – shall I place a plug for Workspace here. What’s their slogan – “Because Home Offices are Lonely” or in my case “Because Working Alone (or at Home – hey that rhymes) Can Cause Greater Levels of Insanity”
  5. More on the inspirational stand point a comment of Stephanie Vacher’s that I enjoyed during her session was, “We are all designers!” Most empowering.

    Stephanie Vacher

    Photo by Boris Mann Now for a couple that truly exemplify just how delightfully geeky the gentlemen in this crowd are:

  6. After a beautiful post-Northern Voice walk, a rather cuddly gentleman turns to me and asks, “What is the tag for this event? “

  7. Followed by another companion being asked to dinner by a beautiful woman only to respond with something to the tune of “I’m hanging out tonight with my friend the Internet”. Okay I didn’t quite get that right – it was geekier and rather delightfully cute at the same time, but I seem to have butchered it.

  8. And last but not least, that vivacious Dose of Lunacy just on the phone to me, “I felt a little bit of Geek Withdrawal the next day.”

Dose of Lunacy

Photo by Jeffrey Keefer

So I know I am missing many more of the amusingly inspired comments of the many Northern Voicers, so please dear readers add some of your favorite quotes below. You know you’ve got em’.

Looking forward to reading your entertaining prose!

With love,

Emme

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Why I Won’t be Sharing Any Poetry Tonight …

February 21, 2008 By Emme 2 Comments

I am excited to say Northern Voice 2008 officially launches tonight with it’s Opening Party at the Waldorf Hotel’s Polynesian Room!

Hoping to bump into some of you sexy devils there! I am apologizing in advance though as I will not be partaking in the Rubbery Ducky’s Open-Mic Night. If it is poetry and blog contributions I am not sure my anything I could impart to the crowd would be all that fitting.

Open Mic

You see I do write poetry – a rather bizarre discovery I had as I embraced my 30s. The problem is that my poetry is not exactly nice or kind – in fact it is rather mean. Poetry seems to flow from me when I am angry. The sort of poems that would be embarrass my mother (and let me tell you having me as a child that’s no mean feat) and would make her shake her head and say “where did I go wrong” (and I haven’t heard that since my 21st birthday when I accidentally swallowed some anti-freeze while trying to fix my broken down Chevette hatchback in the middle of the Rockies – needless to say a long and rather embarrassing moment in my life that I generally don’t like admitting to).

So to understand how nasty my poetry can be I may as well just share a couple with you. These were written while sitting in a business class and were about the presenter, who I felt was wasting my time and was irritating me. I am embarrassed to say he was a techie. Hopefully wasn’t any of you.

Big Talker, Little Man
Slicked Hair

Crooked Teeth

Tie + Blazer, Nice and Neat

Loud Talker

Name Dropper

Voice filled with Conceit

Insecure

little man

Has to put others down.

“IT Guy”

In, Out

Blah, blah

Buy a computer

Ha,ha

Wireless Internet

CD Rom

Babble, babble on + on

Useless drivel

A waste of time

Know your audience

And not insult their time.

I am sure you understand why I won’t be reading any poetry tonight and hopefully won’t be writing any in the next few days (no pressure speakers). And my other writing – I think would be too hot for the men in the room to handle!

I am hoping that Kittyn will share some of hers with us though! I will certainly enjoy watching the crowd throughout that.

Till later my loves,

Emme

PS Dear readers – be wary of strange gentlemen with mints this evening.  I am afraid the firefly may never sleep again as a result of one such mint.

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It’s Always the Innocent Ones …

February 19, 2008 By Emme 3 Comments

Have you ever noticed that it is always the innocent ones …. ?

Meet Lola May – one of my best gal pals! Finally she comes out to play and as her first post says she is the seemingly innocent one of the three of us gals. Settled down with two kids, a dog, a cat, a fellow – the white picket fence – no joke – there is a white picket fence. She even has an innocent job – a librarian of all things – the stereotypic “good girl”. They’re the ones you have to watch!

White Picket Fence

Enter Lola May’s birthday party. What year was it Lola?

I must say I haven’t been to a birthday quite like it since my 28th, which might have been worse (or better depending on how you look at at), but I digress we were talking about Lola’s party.

Birthday Candles

Not sure what was in the air that night, but it was definitely a different night. Started with a call from Kittyn, telling me to grab the camera and come downtown. There I meet Tanja Diamond the tantra teacher – I have mentioned that my life is rarely dull, haven’t I? Apparently I was to be taught the secret to unleashing the orgasm. Don’t worry -I got it all on tape and will post it in the next few days.

So the night gets off to a steamy start, but Kittyn and I are still two of the first to arrive at Lola’s birthday. Always a flash back to my hippie days in university with a mellow crowd of librarians, teachers, professors and engineers. I grab a glass of sangria and wander to enjoy myself by the fire with another librarian friend of mine – the Cherry Blossom. I’m there 2 seconds and the librarian loudly proclaims that she’d like lap dancing classes at her stagette and she looks at me expectingly. Apparently I am the expert in such things!?! How am I supposed to know where one finds such things? The librarians, so sweet and innocent looking, yet obviously the wolf in lamb’s clothing – no wonder she has captured the attention of the Spanish Stallion.

To my greater shock – I am told to sit in a chair in the center of the room and would I mind slightly spreading my legs. Before I knew it a rather sultry feline was demonstrating for the bride-to-be how to give a lap dance on innocent little me!!! Not quite sure what was in the sangria, but this didn’t seem to happen to anyone else that sat in that chair that night. Despite a few hopeful looking men that kept eagerly-looking around the room with their legs straddled open nicely as they sat.

Now the scandal had only just begun. I merely turn my head to catch a glimpse of Tiny Tim. A soft spoken, gentle giant that was give pole and floor dancing demonstrations for the room! No joke! He pushed out his chest and strutted through the room to find a wall, upon which we were shown just how well he could wiggle his bottom and gyrate his hips. Before we knew it, he was on his knees, tossing his head about and gently pushing his bottom backwards. My words clearly cannot do this performance justice – you had to be there!

What madness filled the air this past Valentines weekend!?! Had the holiday unleashed the scent of mammalian pheromones in the breeze or was this just a typical evening out in the home of Lola the (not so seemingly innocent) Librarian!?!

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Valentine’s Challenge (make sure you read all the way to the bottom)

February 12, 2008 By Emme Leave a Comment

So I mentioned in Valentine’s Singles that I love to be single on Valentines Day. Part of the reason for that is that I have so many friends that do or send me silly things that make me laugh on my single Valentines. Whether it is my parents sending me a card of a frog in a crown with his tongue stuck out, that reads “Some day your prince will come, but till then aren’t you glad you have friends like us!?!” (I know – HOW RUDE!!) or a personalized Harlequin Romance from the great European author Mr. Von Ritter.

Frog Prince

Actually Mr. Von Ritter’s Harlequin Romance has to be THE GREATEST VALENTINES of all time. I laughed so hard that I cried – hell, I think I may have even peed my pants. Needless to say the cat was a little alarmed.

Here it is:

“But let's get back to the nitty-gritty - the frog! No Prince Charming in shining armour on your doorstep or in your closet? That's hard to believe. For such a prize (i.e. this lovely,charming maiden fair) I think all the knights (and frogs) in the world ought to be queuing up to win your favour. They probably are, but so far not one of them has proven worthy of you in battle and were thus slain and devoured by your minions Miss Roo and Mr. Bunikins!

Outside E.'s townhouse - sudden darkness - a flash of lightning - from a white mist emerges a dark figure (dark rumbling music turns into an angelic fanfare) - the camera pans slowly up from the metal boots over the shiny steel armour on the legs and lingers on the coat of arms on the breastplate- etched in gold on silver we see a dragon looking through the viewfinder of an HD-camera - the camera pans up further - a vicious-looking black helmet - the visor obscuring the knight's face - a gloved-hand moves to raise the visor - behold! It's Von Ritter the much-feared robber baron of the Black Forest! - Close-up V.'s hand in a chainmail glove knocks on E.'s door - from inside the house: the dark hallway facing the front door - with a creak the door opens and a narrow beam of light floods in - gingerly V. sets foot in the hallway, cautiously glancing around - skeletons of previous suitors lie in dark corners, empty helmets line the hallway - then suddenly - crash! Zosh! - Miss Roo and Mr. Bunikins appear and block V's progress, hissing and growling - close-up: pearls of sweat on V.'s brow - he slowly moves his hand to the hilt of his sword - he takes off the chainmail glove of his right hand - reaches down AND - cut to close-up of hand - we see Miss Roo licking V.'s outstretched fingers... To be continued!"

Mr. Von Ritter – I will be expecting the continuation this Valentines Day. I am dying to learn just what Miss Roo has done with all those suitors – or maybe it was them that were doing the dying.

As for the rest of my readers, I challenge you to outdo Von Ritter’s Romance! Who will pick up the gauntlet and battle to my side!?!

If you dare take on the challenge – the Username is Valentines and the Password is TellMeATale.

Harlequin Romance

Happy writing dear readers!

With love and Valentines kisses,

Emme

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Valentine’s Singles

February 11, 2008 By Emme 1 Comment

It’s that time of year again where every which way you turn you see hearts, flowers, lingerie, lovey dovey couples …… It always makes me wonder if there isn’t something wrong with me. Not because I’m single, but because I don’t mind being single on Valentines Day. In fact, to be honest I actually prefer being single on Valentines Day. My best Valentines have always been as a single gal!

Couple in Love

And NO – I am not delusional – how rude of you for thinking as much. I was just chatting with my friend “the father figure” about just that. I call him “the father figure”, not for reasons of Electra Complex (that would be rather disturbing), but he has always had a paternal sense of protection for me and a couple of our other buddies since we were in university (even though I am one year his senior). I digress – “dear old dad” asked me if I felt-like I was being left behind, because most of our friends are married, was my biological clock ticking, did I feel badly to be on my own. I have to laugh as I know many women would have been horrified by such questions and might have even suggested that they made her feel that much unhappier with their circumstance. So I guess this is where I ask – is there something wrong with me? Once again – no need to be rude – and yes, aside from the obvious. But I could honestly say to him that “I am happy” “I don’t need a guy in my life to make me happy (or a girl for that matter)”. Sure like anyone – I’d love to meet that person that I’d want to grow old with, but I don’t need them to feel complete.

love hearts

I suppose that is one of the reasons why I am content being single as Valentines Day approaches, but the other reason is that my best Valentines have truly been when I am single. And I suppose that is because when your single everyone you love is your Valentine and there are a lot of creatures in this world that I love. When your single, you remember all of your Valentines and they remember you (probably to make sure you are indeed not moping). I have more people call me to tell me they love me on Valentines when I am single then at any other time.

That’s what Valentines Day should be about – not silly, overpriced presents – but telling the creatures you love (especially the cat) (and not just the one that you are in love with – which hopefully is not the cat) that you love them and if you can, spending a bit of time with them. I started last night with Lola and my Super Geek and am loving the warmth that it brings.

One of my favourite books!

Tell the creatures in your life that you love them this Valentines Day (and of course, worship the cat an extra amount)!

Love Emme oxox

PS Can you guess how much I love you!?!

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