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Lonely, Plus One

April 6, 2009 By 4 Comments

For the first time this winter, in a number of years, I’ve been actually dating someone (Yes, I have dated people – just not for some reason between November – March).  Nice fellow – educated, thoughtful, interesting, hardworking, good job – loved his company.  Exactly the kind of guy that I wanted in my life.  Only problem was that for the first time since my ex of 4 1/2 years, I was lonely.  Painfully lonely.  Even when it had been only me and Fuzzy’s, I’d never been lonely.

He was what I wanted though.  I’d finally met whom I was looking for and I finally felt ready to share my life with someone, so I deluded myself into thinking the loneliness was just that yearning to be with him, my potential soul mate (that I might add never seemed to have enough time for me).

Well, through having worked with personal coach, Jennifer Priest, I’ve been gaining a better look and perspective on my own life, my habits, and learning to take control of my own destiny.  So after a month and a half of deluding myself and making excuses for him and his absences, I finally poised the question, “Are we just good friends, rather than lovers?” … well, it wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear, but it was the answer I needed to hear.

Word of advice to all though, probably not the best the idea to break up and then go out on a date with them three nights later.  Also if your not that ‘in to somebody’ you just broke up with, probably best not to:

  • suggest you go to the late show, so you can spend a long, leisurely dinner chatting
  • to greet and say farewell to them with a kiss on the lips
  • ask them to call you as soon as they return from their trip

Trust me this will just fuck them up or in my case, fuck me up for another three-weeks.

Love Jennifer’s advice.  Many people told me to keep playing the game with him, play it coy ..etc and see where it goes, while dating other people, in case there was still something there.  Problem is this doesn’t work for me.  I am totally Miss Monogamous.  When I like someone, I find it really difficult to be attracted to anyone else or even notice the existence of anyone else.  I needed to know, because I didn’t want to repeat my cycle of spending months stuck on a one-sided crush.  So Jennifer rather then telling me that to ask him ‘if there was still something there and if our break up was simply due to post divorce jitters (or as I termed it being ‘fucked up from his divorce’)’ was the wrong move, told me that if thats what I needed then she’d support me.  And support me she did.  She got me to walk through the conversation with her.  Damn smart of her I might add, as I pretty quickly learned what came across as sounding needy.

Photo taken by Christian V.

Photo taken by Christian V.

How did the conversation go?  I never actually had it.  I did call and we did play phone tag for a bit, and it was then that I realized just how lonely and insecure he made me feel.  I don’t want to be that girl.  Obviously not the guy for me.  I do thank him for finally having the balls (excuse my crassness) to finally let me go.  I also realized that there have been moments where I too have been guilty of stringing someone else along that I just wasn’t all that in to.  I endeavour not to make that mistake in the future.

And Jennifer – thanks for the discovery!

Filed Under: All the Gossip, Meeting Mr. / Ms. Right (or Right Now), Personal Coaching Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Coaching Introspection

March 22, 2009 By 8 Comments

A number of you have been asking what it’s like seeing a personal coach.  Well I can honestly say I love it!  I only wish I’d done this sooner.  Jennifer Priest is really giving me focus and clarity.  And even though it’s only been  four sessions, people (my parents, Raul, Tris …etc)  have been noticing a difference in me – clarity of direction, well thought out decisions, clearer understanding of those in my life…

Unlike with a counselor you don’t need to rush across town to make it to an appointment – late usually in my case.  Instead, Jennifer calls me from the comfort of my own home and we chat over the phone, whilst Fuzzywiggle Furrypants snuggles up on my lap.  Oh and we get to talk all about me.  A whole hour of me in fact!!!  Can you think of anything more delightful!

pj-party

So what do we talk about?  Before each session I fill out a coaching prep form. It asks me questions like:

  • What went well this week?
  • What did I get done this week?
  • What things am I thankful for?
  • What roadblocks or obstacles did I hit?
  • Where am I frustrated?
  • What opportunities are presenting themselves?
  • What do I want to focus on in this weeks session?
  • What do I want commit to doing before the next call?

The process of filling out this form, really allows me to reflect on the week and clarify what it is that I want to focus on in this session. Once Jennifer calls she has me elaborate on the areas which I wish to discuss.  Generally she doesn’t  give her opinions or tell me what to think, but starts asking very pointed questions with regards to the topic, that forces me to explore it in greater detail and talk through thoughts that have already been going through my head and I haven’t actually verbalized.

Photo by Chunyang Lin

Photo by Chunyang Lin

Yes,  you can chat with a friend or a family member about things in your world, but this is different. Jennifer is not judgmental, she does not come with preconceived notions about how you should be living your life, and you don’t need to feel that you are being rude that the conversation is all about you.  She also does not tell you what you should be thinking or doing and actually supports the decisions that you come to.  And she’s incredibly easy to talk to.

Finally she sets up deadlines and accountability for you, which is something that I desperately need working on my own.  She also gets you to look at the bigger picture and what needs to be done both in the short and long term to reach your goals.

As many of you are aware, I’ve been going through big changes in my work world as of late.  Jennifer really helped me to make a positive transition from ‘Sexy in Vancity‘ to ‘Being Emme’.  She has helped me to define what the story is that I want to tell with ‘Being Emme’ and she has helped me to set-up some deadlines around the novels I’m writing and a path to getting there.  This would have been a much more difficult transition without Jennifer and I don’t think I would have had the same clarity or drive.

Thank you Jennifer!

Filed Under: All the Gossip, Personal Coaching Tagged With: , , , , ,

Theres Nothing Wrong with a Little Help

March 9, 2009 By 3 Comments

My sister, the psychologist, has been  suggesting for the better part of a decade that I needed professional help.  Now although I love my sister dearly, I am generally not a fan of her advice and have spent the better part of a decade ignoring it.  This is a little mulish and hypocritical of me, because it annoys me that she’ll never take my advice and will generally do the opposite of whatever I suggest, and here I am doing the same thing.  I am also a huge advocate of people getting professional help when they need to and not being embarrassed by that.

Photo by Larry Osan

Photo by flickr persona larryosan

In all honesty, were there times when I could have benefited from counseling?  Yes, several:

  • When I lost 3 grandmothers in as many years and started to become petrified that the fall brought with it death.
  • When an ex-boyfriend tried to kill me. I still don’t like returning to our old town.

So why haven’t I ever seen a counselor?

  • Because Bella  suggested it and she is generally critical of how I lead my life and the choices I make. On many of these choices, I disagree with her.
  • Because I didn’t feel I needed any medication and associated all counseling with psychiatry.
  • Because I don’t feel that there are events in my past that have, for lack of a better word, ‘fucked’ me up.  All in all I feel pretty damn fortunate.

Well I got a bit of a wake up call on this as of late.  Last summer I knew it was time for a change.  Time to start getting paid properly and time to stop juggling and start working more on my writing.  To please my Dad, I agreed to have lunch with his Business Advisor.  Wasn’t expecting much other than a nice lunch.  Well this was the most enlightening lunch I’ve ever had.  The fellow pegged me in a few minutes flat (get your minds out of the gutter, I am talking about mentally).  He gave me a lot of great advice that day that really helped me to focus and work smart.

The problem is that it was one lunch and while it started me down the garden path, I’ve been in need of a guide along the way.  Enter Jennifer Priest. Jennifer is a certified life coach.  Rather than focusing on the past, as a coach, Jennifer focuses on the present and the future.  She helps you to find the path to life you want and to your dreams.  This is exactly what I need, especially now while I am making some major changes in my life and trying to figure out which path to take.

This is also the story I tell.  The story of a gal finding her way in love and life.  So as I continue down this journey with Jennifer, I am going to share my experiences along the way here.

With love,

Emme xoxo

Filed Under: All the Gossip, Personal Coaching Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Being Emme

March 2, 2009 By 8 Comments

Good Morning World!!! And welcome to my new day!

I know you’re all dying to know what I’ve been up to and I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you (or more aptly Fuzzywiggle Furrypants would and she doesn’t like getting her paws dirty).

Spearing a Canadian by you.

Photo by Tris Hussey

In all seriousness, it’s time for some changes in my world – good changes – big changes. A little spring cleaning for the soul if you will.  Starting the year off with a fresh new space and a fresh new look.

What are these changes that I speak?

  • Well for one, its time to finish the novel, ‘Single in the Suburbs’ that originally started me down this path.  And then get started with my Mom on it’s sequel, ‘My Mom, the Junkie’.
  • Two, it’s time.  I feel ready.  For what?  Well, some gals would say ‘their Prince Charming’, for me it’s ‘My Snuggly Old Blankey’.
  • Three. I’m striving for balance. I bit of a lofty goal I know, but if you don’t try, you’ll never succeed.

This new space is my journey to the above and it’s pages will be filled with the characters and settings that inspire me along the way, along with those heroes that do their best to catch me when I fall.  Because no matter how independent we are, every gal needs her heroes .

Northern Voice 2009 by John Biehler.

Photo by John Biehler

Speaking of heroes, I would be most remiss if I didn’t mention two, aside from my family, that have really helped to inspire this new space and clarify it’s direction.  An enormous thanks to Tris Hussey, you sexiest of devils, for the whisperings of WordPress themes and SEOs in my ear.  And a great big thanks to Jennifer Priest, who is coaching me on finding my path to fulfilling my dreams.  I’m finding my sessions with her to be incredibly inspirational, so I will share an account of my journey with her here.

For all the Sexy in Van City fans out there, no worries, it will continue with Kittyn.  So stay tuned as she puts her own cat spin on the site.  You can always get a blast from the past here too.  Just scroll through my ‘Little Black Book’ for  Sid’s, Sir von Ritter’s, Miss Roo’s and my old Sexy in Van City Posts.  They’re the ones dated February 2009 or earlier.

Love and Light (and as always Kisses),

Emme xoxo

Filed Under: All the Gossip, FFR, Personal Coaching, Sid, Sir von Ritter Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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