FFR’s Wiley Weekly Word: Beldam

This week’s word: Beldam

Beldam: Ancient two-legger of the female persuasion that hopefully has a good personality, as she is hard on the eyes.

‘I find it amusing to call my two-legger a beldam, not because she is ugly (she’s actually rather beautiful to me both inside and out), but because ‘she who prides herself on words’ misinterprets this word.  She thinks I am meowing ‘belle dame’, which is French for ‘beautiful woman’, so affection and treats are showered upon me.  Oh the irony of it all.’

Clearly a belle dame, not a beldam.

Clearly a 'belle dame', not a 'beldam'.

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FFR’s Wiley Weekly Word: Balderdash

This week’s word: Balderdash

Balderdash:  Total and complete nonsense. ie the sounds that usually come out of a two-leggers mouth

‘If a two-legger tries to tell you that the tray of smelly cheese on the coffee table is not for cats, that’s utter balderdash. As the supreme being, we felines will dine on whatever we wish, whenever we wish.’

It is complete balderdash that no one has served me yet. Photo by Cyrus Bulsara

'It is complete balderdash that no one has served me yet.' Photo by Cyrus Bulsara

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Kitty Cat Dance

Writing my second piece for Wiley Weekly Words and am in need of a feline muse:

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FFR’s Wiley Weekly Word: Abscond

Hello furless wonders,

Welcome to my new space.  Well mine, & I guess my human’s, new space.

Ordered the human to take this pic.

Ordered the human to take this pic.

I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot on Sexy in Vancity, as I really am rather adorable.  I mean I am purrfect after all.  I just get a little cranky when Kittyn is around.  She has a tendency to stroke me the wrong way and make my hair stand up on end.  And the nerve to call herself ‘Kittyn’!!!  I mean really!  How can you possibly be so arrogant as to give yourself a name so fabulously feline when you’re a mere two-legger.

As far as two-leggers go, I have to admit I am rather fond of mine.  She’s not purrfect, like me, but then she’s not a cat. She can’t sit still for very long, forgets to serve me the bowls of icy cold milky stuff first, and has a tendency to go out gallivanting for ridiculously long stretches, as opposed to attending to all my needs, like a good human should.  She does, however, cuddle rather nicely, so I suppose I can overlook her short comings.

I am concerned about her writing as of late though.  She keeps writing about Vancouver events, radio shows and films and I really do find them to be rather a bore.  I am so much more worldly than that and I do want her to finish her book so that she keeps me well fed in the finest of feline cuisine along with the rather sumptuous tandoori chicken from the meat man down the road.  It is for these reasons that I feel that it is important for me to become her muse and start swatting her into action (I do, of course, mean literally). In this endeavor, I’m starting my own weekly column – Wiley Weekly Word.

This Week’s Word: Abscond

Abscond: To suddenly & secretly disappear, so as not to get caught. (ie. Think golden slobbering canine and an unwatched slab of meat)

‘My human tries to abscond with a bowl of icy cool milky stuff in the dead of night, but alas she lacks the prowess & stealth of the feline (rather she sounds a little like a clutsy elephant), so is none too secretive about her crime (because it is a crime to eat icy cool milky stuff without sharing it with the feline Goddess).’

6-leggeds abscond with the stocking (not likely in my house, as I rather fancy the crunchiness of 6-leggeds)  Photo Stolen from Archie McPhee

6-leggeds abscond with the stocking (not likely in my house, as I rather fancy the crunchiness of 6-leggeds) Photo Absconded from Archie McPhee

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