FFR’s Wiley Weekly Word: Dalliance

A leisurely meow to all you cats out there. I do plan on writing great feline words of wisdom a little more frequently, but as a superior being you can’t possibly begin to understand the great pressures weighing on our time.  As of late, the least of which has been healing my two-legger from her spring time dalliance.  But why am I explaining this to you?   You’re just a mere two-legger and on that note, back to our tutelage…

So this week’s word:  Dalliance

Dalliance: The silly, totally frivolous and often trifling activities that two-leggers get up to in the Spring and Summer, most of the time with amorous intentions in mind.

‘My two-legger is usually quite an intelligent creature (well as far as two-leggers go), but when this involves dalliance I have to close my eyes and ears to avoid witnessing the disaster that ensues. Does she not understand as a female (the superior sex, of course) that she should lay back and let the male two-legger perform the dalliance? They do after all seem to enjoy the chase. And then she’d end up with less egg on her face when its all said and done.’

One alley cat that is often doing acts of dalliance to catch my eye.

One alley cat that is often doing acts of dalliance to catch my eye.

FFR

FFR’s Wiley Weekly Word: Hankering

I know I haven’t been instilling feline wisdom in you for a few weeks, but I was in a bit of a spat with my two-legger.  SHE went to see Beams and his two-legger without me.  The nerve!!!!  Does she not know …  Okay I’m stopping myself, because I’m above that.  In fact, I’ve decided to insert the claws, because today is the day that the two-leggers call Mother’s Day and although us felines don’t really have a word for ‘mother’, this is what my two-legger calls herself.  I think it means ‘bringer of food, cleaner of mess and most fantastic cuddler’.

So this week’s word:  Hankering

Hankering: A yearning or longing, like the kind that happens in the pants of a two-legged male during the Spring.

‘Two-Legger, Lord Likely’s pants often display the signs of a hankering and not only in the Spring.  Based on the strut that Lord Likely has around my two-legger. I’d say he has a hankering for her, but then again he struts like that around all female two-leggers.’

Right now I have a hankering to give my two-legger a cuddle, especially since shes upset over her Mom. Hate seeing her upset.  Photo by Lola May.

Right now I have a hankering to give my two-legger a cuddle, especially since she's upset over her Mom. Hate seeing her upset. Photo by Lola May.

Griswold Family Vacations with Teddy

Teddy

Teddy

Meet Teddy – one of my grandest friends in the world!  He’s the most lovable, huggable Canadian Toon Town bear that there ever was.  He and his cat, Beams, are two of Fuzzywiggle Furrypants and my best friends.  Fuzzy’s and I generally make a point of stopping in for a Toon Town visit once or twice a year.

Teddy and I at Fox & Hounds

Teddy and I at Fox & Hounds

So how did I meet Teddy?  In the most glamorous of fashions, of course.  Hobnobbing at the Banff Television Festival.  Guessing most of you are picturing us dressed up all fancy at some well to do function (I’m calling it a ‘function’ as thats more hoity toity than a ‘party’) in the Rockies – you know, him in a top hat and tails with an eye monocle, of course, and me looking like I just walked off a runway in Paris.  The reality?  I think it included (although I must note here that it is a little fuzzy – altitude you know) late night, drunken revelry at the St James Gate with my favourite Canadian film folk, the Saskatchewan boys (and girl).

At any rate, somehow dear Teddy won his way into my heart despite frequent ploys to get me in my swimsuit and lounging  in the hot springs (my downfall in this was the words ‘hot springs’ – clearly another weakness of mine along with Teddy’s hugs).  And so the downwards spiral begins with regular Toon Town visits and adventures with Teddy that can only be described as our very own Griswold Family Vacations.

A few highlights from the latest Griswold Family Vacation:

  • Teddy announcing to me that, “It’s a good thing were not a couple, as our sex life would suck.”

I would like to note here to all future suitors:  This is not because I suck in bed (or in Teddy’s defense that he sucks in bed).  We’ve never really taken our relationship into the bedroom (we’ll thats a lie cause we have – okay, now I sound like a tramp. To clarify here:  our relationship has gone into the bedroom, but fully clothed – okay I was wearing the towel the one time – wow this sounds bad to my virtue.  OK heres how it is, our relationship has gone into the bedroom in a bath towel, but in the most platonic of fashions – we were doing a photo shoot – and NO not those kind of photos, I’m not that girl. IE TEDDDY AND I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX).  So to make a long story short, we don’t know how each other is in bed.  Teddy just has a habit of being sick whenever I visit and I always seem to have my period when I visit.

Bath Towel Photo Shoot

Bath Towel Photo Shoot

Darn good thing the two of us weren’t looking for a little ‘rendezvous’.  The sounds of children screaming might have broken the mood.

A Room with a View

A Room with a View

  • Teddy loosing all hearing to a head cold and shouting everywhere we went.

My favourite was his conversation with his Mom into his cell phone at the top of his lungs in public about diarrhea.  It was a very proud moment for me to be on his arm.

Friday Night at the Doctors

Friday Night at the Doctor's

  • Teddy telling his dear Mom that he was thinking of moving in with me in Van City.

No wonder she thinks were dating. TEDDY!!!!!

  • Teddy’s response to the suggestion that a personal coach might help him follow a healthier lifestyle, “Oh I’ll see a personal coach if she’s hot and cute.  Better yet, you could be my personal coach.”  Once again, he did this in front of his 78 year old mother!!!

Teddy – take note, a proper personal coach needs to be accredited. Me giving you advice whilst wearing a skimpy towel generally isn’t as effective.  Please see my conversation with @cognoscento Try Jennifer Priest.  She’s hot, cute and a professional.

  • The incorrigible Teddy at his Mom’s and my discussion on how he needed to eat healthier and get more exercise, “Bed wrestling is a good full body workout and not at all stressful on the joints.”

Honestly!!!!  And he told me that I’d have to be the one to break it to his parents that we aren’t dating!  I wonder where they ever got that idea!?!

Love you Teddy! (and you too Beams)

Emme xoxo