The debonair and thoughtful Stefan, recently sent me this word play on my name:

Very sweet of him and amidst a lot of tough decisions this brought a smile to my face.  I just didn’t get why Stefan would see me as ‘mature’, especially since I like to think of myself as a modern day Peter Pan.  Then I thought about the last few weeks and the decisions that were facing me and I got it.  Even though, I am having more fun then ever and enjoy a lot of laughter and silliness, I, in part enjoy that because I’ve grown up.

A big thank you to Stefan and Jennifer for allowing me to see that maturing is a good thing!

When the chips are down as women, we often seek each others companionship out to vent, drink, cry in each others arms and let loose.  I certainly have those gal pals and when I had a bit of a stumble a few weeks back, it was those gals that were there to help pick me up, dust me off and apply the bandages. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

Photo by Jill Watson

I, however, am also the girl thats grown up as the tomboy, meaning that I have a certain ease and comfort with men that has meant that some of my best friends are also guys.  The guys were there too.  They hugged me, listened to me, and handed me the hard liquor, but I couldn’t really talk to them about what was going on.  They’d just get mad and seemed somewhat irrationally overprotective of me.  It was nice to know that I was loved, but didn’t go so well with me talking it through and I tend to have a habit of processing aloud.

At any rate, as I have returned to a more zenful state of being thanks to my friends (both male and female), family, Jennifer Priest and the most loving little cat, I’ve had a bit more of a chance to reflect, and have started to recognize why the men in my life were so mad and it went far deeper then just simply their feelings of love and protectiveness towards me, and here I simply chalked it up to them being irrationally overprotective initially.  I also started realizing how deeply they really understood me, seeing far below the surface.

Perhaps the two that this rang deepest with were my Dad and one of my oldest buddies.  Dad’s been trying to tell me to slow down and take a holiday for weeks in a subtle manner and I didn’t  realize just how badly I needed it until I burst into tears when he said it more directly on the phone the other day.  Thinking maybe I should have listened to him a bit sooner.  And then there was my old buddy, who kept telling me I needed to start writing even if I didn’t publish what I wrote.  I didn’t want to as when I’m feeling raw, I am most honest with myself, vulnerable and reflective when I’m writing and I wasn’t sure I could handle that, was scared of what I  might discover and of the emotions that might come with it.

Photo by Gina Biancaniello

Well, I had to start writing Thursday  in my coaching prep form for @JenniferPriest and I was amazed in the session that followed at the realizations that came out.  Feeling a whole lot stronger now and ready to start cautiously writing again.  Also going to start doing a little more listening to what the men in my life are saying.  They are far more insightful and deeper then I think I gave them credit for.

Teddy

Meet Teddy – one of my grandest friends in the world!  He’s the most lovable, huggable Canadian Toon Town bear that there ever was.  He and his cat, Beams, are two of Fuzzywiggle Furrypants and my best friends.  Fuzzy’s and I generally make a point of stopping in for a Toon Town visit once or twice a year.

Teddy and I at Fox & Hounds

So how did I meet Teddy?  In the most glamorous of fashions, of course.  Hobnobbing at the Banff Television Festival.  Guessing most of you are picturing us dressed up all fancy at some well to do function (I’m calling it a ‘function’ as thats more hoity toity than a ‘party’) in the Rockies – you know, him in a top hat and tails with an eye monocle, of course, and me looking like I just walked off a runway in Paris.  The reality?  I think it included (although I must note here that it is a little fuzzy – altitude you know) late night, drunken revelry at the St James Gate with my favourite Canadian film folk, the Saskatchewan boys (and girl).

At any rate, somehow dear Teddy won his way into my heart despite frequent ploys to get me in my swimsuit and lounging  in the hot springs (my downfall in this was the words ‘hot springs’ – clearly another weakness of mine along with Teddy’s hugs).  And so the downwards spiral begins with regular Toon Town visits and adventures with Teddy that can only be described as our very own Griswold Family Vacations.

A few highlights from the latest Griswold Family Vacation:

• Teddy announcing to me that, “It’s a good thing were not a couple, as our sex life would suck.”

I would like to note here to all future suitors:  This is not because I suck in bed (or in Teddy’s defense that he sucks in bed).  We’ve never really taken our relationship into the bedroom (we’ll thats a lie cause we have – okay, now I sound like a tramp. To clarify here:  our relationship has gone into the bedroom, but fully clothed – okay I was wearing the towel the one time – wow this sounds bad to my virtue.  OK heres how it is, our relationship has gone into the bedroom in a bath towel, but in the most platonic of fashions – we were doing a photo shoot – and NO not those kind of photos, I’m not that girl. IE TEDDDY AND I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX).  So to make a long story short, we don’t know how each other is in bed.  Teddy just has a habit of being sick whenever I visit and I always seem to have my period when I visit.

Bath Towel Photo Shoot

• Our first ever hotel room together with a view of (no joke) the indoor children’s water amusement park.

Darn good thing the two of us weren’t looking for a little ‘rendezvous’.  The sounds of children screaming might have broken the mood.

A Room with a View

• Teddy loosing all hearing to a head cold and shouting everywhere we went.

My favourite was his conversation with his Mom into his cell phone at the top of his lungs in public about diarrhea.  It was a very proud moment for me to be on his arm.

Friday Night at the Doctor's

• Teddy telling his dear Mom that he was thinking of moving in with me in Van City.

No wonder she thinks were dating. TEDDY!!!!!

• Teddy’s response to the suggestion that a personal coach might help him follow a healthier lifestyle, “Oh I’ll see a personal coach if she’s hot and cute.  Better yet, you could be my personal coach.”  Once again, he did this in front of his 78 year old mother!!!

Teddy – take note, a proper personal coach needs to be accredited. Me giving you advice whilst wearing a skimpy towel generally isn’t as effective.  Please see my conversation with @cognoscento Try Jennifer Priest.  She’s hot, cute and a professional.

• The incorrigible Teddy at his Mom’s and my discussion on how he needed to eat healthier and get more exercise, “Bed wrestling is a good full body workout and not at all stressful on the joints.”

Honestly!!!!  And he told me that I’d have to be the one to break it to his parents that we aren’t dating!  I wonder where they ever got that idea!?!

Love you Teddy! (and you too Beams)

Emme xoxo

Photo by Sarah Azavezza

Depression is a very normal thing.  It is not something to hide or be embarrassed about – whether with yourself or in your family.  In fact to overcome depression and better understand it, it is so important to talk about it.  It is not all in your head and is not part of your imagination.  It is a very real condition that all of us struggle with to one degree or another at some point in our life’s.  It is for this reason that I am so pleased and proud of my friends Raul Pacheco and Isabella Mori for organizing the first ever Mental Health Camp.

What? A conference about the intersection of social media and mental health.

When? 9 am – 6 pm  Saturday April 25, 2009

Where? Workspace:  #400 – 21 Water Street in Gastown, Vancouver

Who? Anyone who suffers from depression or has a family member or close friend who suffers from depression.

A couple of things I have learned from living with depression my whole life and with the odd bout with it myself:

• Get Regular Exercise
• Eat Well & Healthily
• Get Fresh Air & Sunshine
• Take a Break & Get Out
• Talk About It
• Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help

Photo by Lola May

I had a scary little bout of depression a few years back that terrified me, because I knew what was wrong, but I didn’t know how to escape from it.  Finally my Dad said to me, “I think your depressed”, at which point I burst into tears and said I was.  He saved me that day as it didn’t take him long to find the source of the problem – I hadn’t taken a proper day off in over two months.

Recently, even though I haven’t had any depression, I have been getting a little extra help.  I’ve been seeing personal coach, Jennifer Priest.  This is the first time I’ve ever seen or talked to a professional and I wish I’d done it years ago.  I’m loving it!  She encourages me to speak and work through my thoughts aloud and be more introspective. I feel more relaxed, happier and focussed.  We talk about everything from work to relationships to living with depression.

My one piece of advice, if you have depression in your life, don’t sweep it under the rug, talk about it.

Thanks Raul, Isabella and Jennifer for starting the conversation!

For the first time this winter, in a number of years, I’ve been actually dating someone (Yes, I have dated people – just not for some reason between November – March).  Nice fellow – educated, thoughtful, interesting, hardworking, good job – loved his company.  Exactly the kind of guy that I wanted in my life.  Only problem was that for the first time since my ex of 4 1/2 years, I was lonely.  Painfully lonely.  Even when it had been only me and Fuzzy’s, I’d never been lonely.

He was what I wanted though.  I’d finally met whom I was looking for and I finally felt ready to share my life with someone, so I deluded myself into thinking the loneliness was just that yearning to be with him, my potential soul mate (that I might add never seemed to have enough time for me).

Well, through having worked with personal coach, Jennifer Priest, I’ve been gaining a better look and perspective on my own life, my habits, and learning to take control of my own destiny.  So after a month and a half of deluding myself and making excuses for him and his absences, I finally poised the question, “Are we just good friends, rather than lovers?” … well, it wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear, but it was the answer I needed to hear.

Word of advice to all though, probably not the best the idea to break up and then go out on a date with them three nights later.  Also if your not that ‘in to somebody’ you just broke up with, probably best not to:

• suggest you go to the late show, so you can spend a long, leisurely dinner chatting
• to greet and say farewell to them with a kiss on the lips
• ask them to call you as soon as they return from their trip

Trust me this will just fuck them up or in my case, fuck me up for another three-weeks.

Love Jennifer’s advice.  Many people told me to keep playing the game with him, play it coy ..etc and see where it goes, while dating other people, in case there was still something there.  Problem is this doesn’t work for me.  I am totally Miss Monogamous.  When I like someone, I find it really difficult to be attracted to anyone else or even notice the existence of anyone else.  I needed to know, because I didn’t want to repeat my cycle of spending months stuck on a one-sided crush.  So Jennifer rather then telling me that to ask him ‘if there was still something there and if our break up was simply due to post divorce jitters (or as I termed it being ‘fucked up from his divorce’)’ was the wrong move, told me that if thats what I needed then she’d support me.  And support me she did.  She got me to walk through the conversation with her.  Damn smart of her I might add, as I pretty quickly learned what came across as sounding needy.

Photo taken by Christian V.

How did the conversation go?  I never actually had it.  I did call and we did play phone tag for a bit, and it was then that I realized just how lonely and insecure he made me feel.  I don’t want to be that girl.  Obviously not the guy for me.  I do thank him for finally having the balls (excuse my crassness) to finally let me go.  I also realized that there have been moments where I too have been guilty of stringing someone else along that I just wasn’t all that in to.  I endeavour not to make that mistake in the future.

And Jennifer – thanks for the discovery!

Unlike with a counselor you don’t need to rush across town to make it to an appointment – late usually in my case.  Instead, Jennifer calls me from the comfort of my own home and we chat over the phone, whilst Fuzzywiggle Furrypants snuggles up on my lap.  Oh and we get to talk all about me.  A whole hour of me in fact!!!  Can you think of anything more delightful!

So what do we talk about?  Before each session I fill out a coaching prep form. It asks me questions like:

• What went well this week?
• What did I get done this week?
• What things am I thankful for?
• What roadblocks or obstacles did I hit?
• Where am I frustrated?
• What opportunities are presenting themselves?
• What do I want to focus on in this weeks session?
• What do I want commit to doing before the next call?

The process of filling out this form, really allows me to reflect on the week and clarify what it is that I want to focus on in this session. Once Jennifer calls she has me elaborate on the areas which I wish to discuss.  Generally she doesn’t  give her opinions or tell me what to think, but starts asking very pointed questions with regards to the topic, that forces me to explore it in greater detail and talk through thoughts that have already been going through my head and I haven’t actually verbalized.

Photo by Chunyang Lin

Yes,  you can chat with a friend or a family member about things in your world, but this is different. Jennifer is not judgmental, she does not come with preconceived notions about how you should be living your life, and you don’t need to feel that you are being rude that the conversation is all about you.  She also does not tell you what you should be thinking or doing and actually supports the decisions that you come to.  And she’s incredibly easy to talk to.

Finally she sets up deadlines and accountability for you, which is something that I desperately need working on my own.  She also gets you to look at the bigger picture and what needs to be done both in the short and long term to reach your goals.

As many of you are aware, I’ve been going through big changes in my work world as of late.  Jennifer really helped me to make a positive transition from ‘Sexy in Vancity‘ to ‘Being Emme’.  She has helped me to define what the story is that I want to tell with ‘Being Emme’ and she has helped me to set-up some deadlines around the novels I’m writing and a path to getting there.  This would have been a much more difficult transition without Jennifer and I don’t think I would have had the same clarity or drive.

Thank you Jennifer!

Photo by flickr persona larryosan

In all honesty, were there times when I could have benefited from counseling?  Yes, several:

• When I lost 3 grandmothers in as many years and started to become petrified that the fall brought with it death.
• When an ex-boyfriend tried to kill me. I still don’t like returning to our old town.

So why haven’t I ever seen a counselor?

• Because Bella  suggested it and she is generally critical of how I lead my life and the choices I make. On many of these choices, I disagree with her.
• Because I didn’t feel I needed any medication and associated all counseling with psychiatry.
• Because I don’t feel that there are events in my past that have, for lack of a better word, ‘fucked’ me up.  All in all I feel pretty damn fortunate.

Well I got a bit of a wake up call on this as of late.  Last summer I knew it was time for a change.  Time to start getting paid properly and time to stop juggling and start working more on my writing.  To please my Dad, I agreed to have lunch with his Business Advisor.  Wasn’t expecting much other than a nice lunch.  Well this was the most enlightening lunch I’ve ever had.  The fellow pegged me in a few minutes flat (get your minds out of the gutter, I am talking about mentally).  He gave me a lot of great advice that day that really helped me to focus and work smart.

The problem is that it was one lunch and while it started me down the garden path, I’ve been in need of a guide along the way.  Enter Jennifer Priest. Jennifer is a certified life coach.  Rather than focusing on the past, as a coach, Jennifer focuses on the present and the future.  She helps you to find the path to life you want and to your dreams.  This is exactly what I need, especially now while I am making some major changes in my life and trying to figure out which path to take.

This is also the story I tell.  The story of a gal finding her way in love and life.  So as I continue down this journey with Jennifer, I am going to share my experiences along the way here.

With love,

Emme xoxo