I feel it important to state here, that I have never, NEVER ‘pooped’ my pants.

Haven’t heard of Crime Pays?  Well it is THE event to be at in Van City on Monday evening, March 16th.  Here are the details:

Photo by Paul

Who: The Shebeen Club and the Federation of BC Writers

What: a wicked good fundraiser for the Fed

When: Monday, March 16th, 6-9pm

Where: The Vancouver Police Museum, 240 East Cordova Street, Vancouver

Why: it would be criminal to miss this party!

Wanted: YOU!

Come help the Fed celebrate 32 years of getting away with murder. Whether infiltrating schools, divvying up swag, or distributing subversive publications, the Federation of BC Writers has been operating unchecked in our province for decades.

Do you enjoy the vicarious thrill of rubbing shoulder pads with the Lost Literati of the Wild West surrounded by all manner of murder and mayhem in the cozy confines of the police museum? Do you have what it takes to make your bones as a Fed member? There’s only one way to find out! Come out to the party and make us an offer we can’t refuse.

Admission: $20 donation includes a drink and appetizers. Click here to register. If you won’t be attending, but would like to support the Fed with a donation, click here to donate via the raincoaster media Paypal.

It’s shaping up to be quite the night with a dress code that includes trench coats and fedoras, deerstalkers and capes, jail house stripes, uniforms, Bond Villain suits or femme fatal slink wear. Am rather sad that I’m out of town and missing the night, but expecting you cats to have a grand old time without me.  I am just begging you all to please, please bid on me.  Desperately hoping to go for more than $10.

Oh and a huge thank you to Lorraine Murphy for organizing this fabulous night!

Kisses,

Emme xoxo

PS A few other sexy beasts that I also know are up for auction (so get your cheque book out and warm up your waving arm):

• Raul Pacheco, hummingbird604
• Chris Matheison of the Vancouver Police Museum
• the JuiceBox Gals, Caroline MacGillivray & Julia Saunders
• Kris Krug of Raincity & Static Photography
• April Smith of AHA Media & Fearless City
• Irwin Oostindie of W2 & Fearless City
• Jules Morgan (don’t know this person, so am trying to ascertain whether or not they come with a ‘hot’ English accent)
• Terra aka Zoeyjane

Not an easy thing to do to decide on the perfect dates for Kittyn and I for tonight for our delightfully romantic winter date to Cypress Mountain.  I’ve wanted to go on the Chocolate Fondue Snowshoe Tour for so many years now that this is not a decision to be made lightly.  Also I have to say, theres been some damn sweet, most flattering and rather amusing Valentines.

So here are my thoughts:

Would love to take either Clive or Christian (@daubu), but they live too far away to make it here on time.

Adore my little Dose of Lunacy (@monicahamburg) and @saltybean, but they hate snow and I don’t want them ruining my love of snow (already I’m thinking of gagging Kittyn, at least until we arrive at Hollyburn Lodge).

Raul will always be my Valentine, but I may have to strangle him if he starts whispering ‘sweet Microsoft Vista nothings’ in my ear, so he’s out, as that would take away from the romance.

Tris, the Hussey, is a taken man and I want a bit of romance, so he’s out.

My ginger’s letters made me laugh, but call me weird (and many have), but I don’t find having my eyeballs plucked out with a spoon to be all that romantic and I want romance.

@ericaha is the perfect snow loving gal, but she confessed to me that she actually already has plans for this evening.  Should have known the good ones would go fast.

It is for my desire for romance that I’ve decided to make Keith my date.  His letter is the most romantic and I do have to admit that he’s a good kisser, plus he likes nibbling on my ears.

For Kittyn, I’ve decided that ‘Savannah’ would be the perfect date for her, as they are both brats and deserve each other.

Congrats Keith and ‘Savannah’!  Looking forward to discovering how the night unfolds!

Kisses,

Emme

I do love a man with a British accent.  Sadly this one is a little too far away to join me for a romantic date on Cypress, but he did facebook me a few delightful words:

I love your photos Emme. Mystery girl. The sort a guy can dream about. Hope you have a great weekend and that it gives you all that you wish for yourself.

x

Thank you my two fisted, beer guzzling Brit!!

Kisses,

Emme

I know that some of you are thinking, “well, of course I’d go on a date to the sex show. I write Sexy In Van City and isn’t that what we’re all about?” I certainly had enough tweets asking me if I’d been and what it was like.  It had even been suggested that we film it.  Well in answer to that, that is not what we are all about. We are about ‘sexy’, not sex, not porn. We are about telling stories that are true to ourselves and many other women, but most are to afraid to tell, are embarrassed about or think only happens to them. Through these stories we hope to remind all women (and men) just what sexy devils they really are. That said I’m not a prude and I certainly do enjoy sex with the right person.

Photo by Quinn Dombrowski

Back to the date ….Enjoyed a lovely dinner.  Clever, interesting fellow that loves to tease and try and get a rise out of me, which is generally not too hard.  So off to Taboo we go.  My first reaction – claustrophobic. Too many people.  Couldn’t see anything.  Could barely see my date.  He had the good sense to lead us further into the room, where the crowd thinned out and we could actually take in everything that was going on.

My impression?  It wasn’t even remotely sexy.  Total honesty, I found it to be rather trashy.  The shows were disappointing – the dancers I saw weren’t very good and had no sex appeal (at least not to me) and the workshop on orgasms was being led by a gal that seemed totally trashed and was reading off of cue cards.  Saw lots of skin, but it wasn’t sexy skin. There was nothing titillating about it.  It was just there for all the world to see.  And the gals sharing it didn’t seem to be sharing to tease, but rather as it was expected of them or to attract all the wrong sort of attention (displaying their insecurities, rather than that of so sexy confidence). More than anything, it seemed to be more about all the merchandise and sales and I’m not sure why anybody would pay $20 for the privileged just to shop (we were given our tickets for free).  Most of the items that I saw there could be easily found at several shops on Davie St and there you could browse for them without the crowds.  Most of the videos I saw were just plain crude.  I stopped to take a pic of one sign I found funny and the gal running the booth started to rub against me and suggest to my date a threesome (she definitely wasn’t my fantasy). The poor gal in the bondage demos had a seriously bruised ass and I question as to whether she’ll be able to sit for a week. Some woman handed me a pamphlet on getting a boob job, which I was more than a little disgusted by.  My boobs are just fine the way they are and I don’t find fake boobs to be at all sexy. So was Taboo sexy and worth the $20? In my opinion – absolutely not (Kittyn did go too however, so who knows she may disagree).

I did still have some highlights though, and there were several booths that could have been sexy or titillating in a different context. Also there were some vendors that were dressed in a very sexy fashion.

This gal from Smart Art was fun and had some cool stuff.

My highlights included:

• A warm feeling in my right ear as one of my good friends snuck up behind me and started, in a ballsy way that only he would do, to nibble on my ear.
• A family run business that was making awfully cool massage candles whose wax didn’t burn and made your skin feel lovely.
• My date – he was most enjoyable company.

Emme

Really rather liked this sketch by Carylonn Loepploy.