My dear readers,

I have been meaning to drop you a line since one of my favorite gal pals, Lola May, wrote a post about the “Hot hipster techie mommas” of Northern Voice.

Lola did such a great job blogging about the “fabulously gorgeous women who were not only stunningly beautiful, smart, articulate, hilarious, but also so hip” of Northern Voice 08. So well in fact, that a male friend of mine emailed me after reading Lola’s post saying, “I clearly have to start hanging out at blogging conferences. I figure I about half qualify as one of those late blooming guys.” I guess Lola forgot to mention that most of them are attached to in her words, the “lovely late blooming men”. But Hell who am I to complain about the prospect of even more “lovely late blooming men” to toy with!

Lola and more recently Corrin Wyatt, with her blog on Raincity Studios Site “Blog-ster vs. Art-ster“, created some wonderfully accurate prose describing the “lovely late blooming men” of Northern Voice, but I feel the articles could both be strengthened with some case study examples of Northern Voicers.

Photo by Kris Krug

Lola “Surely these things (blogging conferences) would be teeming with late bloomers, smart and funny men who may not have been the school’s rugby champion or beer swigging sex machine in high school, but who may have come into his own in his later twenties and thirties. Perhaps mildly socially awkward, but with a certain geek chic, master of the techie domain, and perhaps just a wee bit too preoccupied with cool and interesting digital projects that have kept him single, unmarred and suddenly looking for a little female commitment.”

Ring any bells? Not sure that they are all so unmarred, but there does seem to ring a certain familiarity in these words. What do you think – Rubbery Duckie, Not-So-Static, A Bright Guy, the Book Butterfly’s Caterpillar? Your thoughts on the above? Even though I have heard a few of you may play a mean Wii – does that or any other computer game really constitute a sport? Besides which I have heard that a few of you have had your butts whipped by and have in fact coward to the Swan in Boxing or the Firefly in tennis. Okay – my dear Duckie, yes I am aware that you and the East Van Halens do play a mean game of frisbee.

Lola, “who may have come into his own in his later twenties and thirties.”

So sad to say my Dashing Young Playboy, Mr Facebook, and our illustrious keynote Mr. Mullenweg, this suggests that the three of you have yet to bloom – even with the addition of the extra year this past week my young playboy. In defense of Mr. Mullenweg here, if Wii tennis is to be considered a sport then I have heard from the Firefly that this man is indeed a true athlete. Also after hearing this fellow speak, seeing his dashing good looks and charm – there is nothing “late blooming” about this young techie. Well nothing maybe, with the exception for his dancing and geek humor techno babble. Certainly a good thing Kittyn wasn’t at the conference, as this young thing would have been far to tempting to her cat-like claws.

Photo by Cyprien Lomas

Now my Dashing Young Playboy and Mr Facebook, there is still hope for the two of you and hopefully without the wait of the maturation of a geek year or two. Only slightly your senior, rumor has it that the Littlest Duckie was actually spotted on a date with a sizzlingly sexy young gal. If he can do it, there is hope for the two of you too! Although rumor has it, Dashing that you may be hiding your own sexy gal pal.

Now ladies – don’t get too excited, you may not want to get dolled up for the next techie event in town. First you should read Corinn Wyatt’s observations of these “lovely late blooming men”. Here are a few of my favorite observations:

• On Fashion “Tshirts with obscure web references, geek humor, their website address, or free swag from conferences” or alternately technosexual “vintage” wear, which to me translated to “Oh my goodness, it’s not only my brother that buys jackets from Value Village with a Sears logo on it!”

Photo by Robert Scales

• On Music “Listens to music you don’t want to hear, anything that can be downloaded, Last FM, Pandora, web radio, pod casts”
• On Social Skills “ummm… Online chat rooms… forums… craigslist?”
• If You Were to Break his Heart “He probably knows some hackers, is an admin on your favorite social network, and will have your ass kicked off.”
• In Bed “Pale pasty complexion, complains of trouble sleeping, impotence”
• To Cure Affliction “Has google advertisements on their blog for Viagra.”

And she should know as she does work at one of the geek depots in town!

Don’t be totally disheartened though ladies, there is hope for these “lovely late blooming men” yet. If you take my favorite Northern Voicer, An Even Brighter Gentleman, as a case study example these men – kind of like a fine wine only get better (and sexier) with age. This Gentleman truly exemplifies “Sexy in Van City”!

Photo by Ianiv and Arieanna

With Love,

Emme