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Why I Won’t be Sharing Any Poetry Tonight …

February 21, 2008 By 2 Comments

I am excited to say Northern Voice 2008 officially launches tonight with it’s Opening Party at the Waldorf Hotel’s Polynesian Room!

Hoping to bump into some of you sexy devils there! I am apologizing in advance though as I will not be partaking in the Rubbery Ducky’s Open-Mic Night. If it is poetry and blog contributions I am not sure my anything I could impart to the crowd would be all that fitting.

Open Mic

You see I do write poetry – a rather bizarre discovery I had as I embraced my 30s. The problem is that my poetry is not exactly nice or kind – in fact it is rather mean. Poetry seems to flow from me when I am angry. The sort of poems that would be embarrass my mother (and let me tell you having me as a child that’s no mean feat) and would make her shake her head and say “where did I go wrong” (and I haven’t heard that since my 21st birthday when I accidentally swallowed some anti-freeze while trying to fix my broken down Chevette hatchback in the middle of the Rockies – needless to say a long and rather embarrassing moment in my life that I generally don’t like admitting to).

So to understand how nasty my poetry can be I may as well just share a couple with you. These were written while sitting in a business class and were about the presenter, who I felt was wasting my time and was irritating me. I am embarrassed to say he was a techie. Hopefully wasn’t any of you.

Big Talker, Little Man
Slicked Hair

Crooked Teeth

Tie + Blazer, Nice and Neat

Loud Talker

Name Dropper

Voice filled with Conceit

Insecure

little man

Has to put others down.

“IT Guy”

In, Out

Blah, blah

Buy a computer

Ha,ha

Wireless Internet

CD Rom

Babble, babble on + on

Useless drivel

A waste of time

Know your audience

And not insult their time.

I am sure you understand why I won’t be reading any poetry tonight and hopefully won’t be writing any in the next few days (no pressure speakers). And my other writing – I think would be too hot for the men in the room to handle!

I am hoping that Kittyn will share some of hers with us though! I will certainly enjoy watching the crowd throughout that.

Till later my loves,

Emme

PS Dear readers – be wary of strange gentlemen with mints this evening.  I am afraid the firefly may never sleep again as a result of one such mint.

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NV Moose’s PRESSing Little Secret that’s Causing him to MULL over a MATTed Coat

February 7, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Northern Voice Moose

The Northern Voice Moose has a PRESSing little secret. So PRESSing that it has been causing him to MULL over a now MATTed coat. I hate to see my little moose in so much distress, so I’ve decide to break the silence and get the WORD out. I know I probably shouldn’t but I really worry that if I don’t get his MATTs out then the furry little fellow’s hair will fall out. And we really can’t have a naked moose running around, especially as it is just weeks before NV Moose’s PRESSing house guest and speaker of the WORD.

Now – I tell you this in the strictest of confidence, as we wouldn’t want to cause the furry little fellow any more distress – a naked moose is never a pretty sight. So here’s the WORD – the moose’s house guest and speaker of the WORD at Northern Voice: Canada’s Blogging Conference on February 23rd is Matt Mullenweg developer of WordPress (host of yours truly’s blog – thanks Matt).

Matt Mullenweg

Shhh! I know you’re excited – as, if Matt is giving the keynote address then that means we get to hear all about Word Press’ dirty little secrets – woo hoo. Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Sorry having trouble controlling myself. Secrecy is of the up most importance though for two reasons. First of all, tickets are nearly sold out and if this spreads too far – they will be before you get your hot little hands on one (or I get mine on one for that matter). And secondly, we don’t want Kittyn to hear – she has a thing for brilliant, young men – and Matt is both brilliant and young – only 23!!! I know she’s a kitten and has shown no signs of becoming a full fledged cat, but we really wouldn’t want to risk the possibility of a cougar on the loose with a moose in the room. Naked cougars are possibly as concerning as a naked moose in the house. So just keep this on the down low.

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