Week One: The Beginning Shot to the New Year's Resolution

Some of you will remember my New Year’s Resolution to tone this up for my own well being, and will also remember that that DOESN’T mean dieting, but rather healthy living – good food, fresh air and exercise.  The good food part comes easily to me. Unlike concern over increased consumption of processed food on the CBC, I was brought up on home cooking and have taken that into my adult life. Where I’ve been struggling is that although I grew up outdoors, more and more I spend my days working in sedentary conditions at a computer, and whilst I started the year out with a healthy dose of fresh air and exercise, that went downhill with the month long Olympic Party, fueled with a healthy dose of hops and barley.  So as I revisited my Wheel of Life with my personal coach, Jennifer Priest, the other week, I noticed that I am still struggling to find a healthy balance in fun and recreation (which I consider to include exercise) and romance. And I think the two go hand in hand. I need to get OUT and be active way more than I am.

My Wheel of Life: January 2010

Some of you will recall that I’ve been experimenting with online dating for the past year or so, and whilst I was meeting some lovely men, it wasn’t really working for me.  Partially because I am a romantic and this was a rather contrived way to meet people, and partially because I spend my days working online and the last thing I want to do at night is to go back to the computer to create a personal life for myself.  It wasn’t working and I told Jennifer as much in our last session.  She had some great alternative suggestions.

A few ideas of Jennifer‘s to get me OUT and active and meeting people all at the same time are to:

• Go to the Driving Range after work and hit a few balls.
• Find a Hiking Group and join them for weekend hikes.
• Go for a walk on my own or borrow a friend’s dog to take for a walk and actually make eye contact, smile and say ‘hello’ to people when I am out and about (scary concept for the VanCity cats, I know).
• Join a Team Sport, with people I don’t know, like beach volleyball or dragon boating.

Not so outdoorsy, but goes well with the non-processed food, healthy eating part of my New Year’s Resolution, Jennifer also suggested singles cooking classes.  Definitely trying that one out.

Loving these ideas!  Especially as they get me outdoors and active and outside my comfort zone of my true blue friends (whom I love and adore, but am very quickly becoming the crazy spinster aunt to all their children).  Off to try my first one today (after the footie match that just started).  Found a hiking group and am going on my first hike with them.  Wish me luck!

Kisses,

Emme xoxo

I am sure it won’t come as any great surprise that there was a reason for my query and even less surprising that I harbour an opinion. You see, I have a friend that I believe is in an unhealthily controlling relationship (in the lover kind of sense). She has become a shadow of herself. Of course, she doesn’t see this and sees me as the one with a problem as I’m not in a relationship. She told me relationships are all about compromises.

So my opinion? I whole heartedly disagree. I think healthy relationships are accepting and celebrating in one another’s differences. It is our differences that make relationships interesting and help us grow as people. Of course, to accept one another’s differences, communication is key and you can’t always have things your way. You need to do things with your lover in mind.

Photo by Adam Foster

Why does compromise scare me so much? The majority of you, that are likely (unlike me) in a relationship, said compromise is key, yet I continue to dig my heels in the sand and disagree. Compromise scares me, because I see my friend losing herself. She is compromising all of herself and has become a shadow of herself. I see this, not only because I love her, but because I was losing myself to compromise in my last relationship and it terrifies me that if I was still there that I would have lost myself by now. Don’t get me wrong, despite being a Princess from time-to-time, I do understand the need for compromise and don’t always have to have things my way (that’s only the other 90% of the time). Where the danger lies is in when you start to compromise yourself. Too much compromise is a very dangerous thing.

Anyhow, those are my 2 cent.

Wishing you all a summer filled with love stories of your own!

Thought you could all could use a bit of Friday Love from her!!!  I know I can (and really this is purely selfish, so I can look at her beautiful face all day).

The moral of this story: Move to Chilliwack

For the first time this winter, in a number of years, I’ve been actually dating someone (Yes, I have dated people – just not for some reason between November – March).  Nice fellow – educated, thoughtful, interesting, hardworking, good job – loved his company.  Exactly the kind of guy that I wanted in my life.  Only problem was that for the first time since my ex of 4 1/2 years, I was lonely.  Painfully lonely.  Even when it had been only me and Fuzzy’s, I’d never been lonely.

He was what I wanted though.  I’d finally met whom I was looking for and I finally felt ready to share my life with someone, so I deluded myself into thinking the loneliness was just that yearning to be with him, my potential soul mate (that I might add never seemed to have enough time for me).

Well, through having worked with personal coach, Jennifer Priest, I’ve been gaining a better look and perspective on my own life, my habits, and learning to take control of my own destiny.  So after a month and a half of deluding myself and making excuses for him and his absences, I finally poised the question, “Are we just good friends, rather than lovers?” … well, it wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear, but it was the answer I needed to hear.

Word of advice to all though, probably not the best the idea to break up and then go out on a date with them three nights later.  Also if your not that ‘in to somebody’ you just broke up with, probably best not to:

• suggest you go to the late show, so you can spend a long, leisurely dinner chatting
• to greet and say farewell to them with a kiss on the lips
• ask them to call you as soon as they return from their trip

Trust me this will just fuck them up or in my case, fuck me up for another three-weeks.

Love Jennifer’s advice.  Many people told me to keep playing the game with him, play it coy ..etc and see where it goes, while dating other people, in case there was still something there.  Problem is this doesn’t work for me.  I am totally Miss Monogamous.  When I like someone, I find it really difficult to be attracted to anyone else or even notice the existence of anyone else.  I needed to know, because I didn’t want to repeat my cycle of spending months stuck on a one-sided crush.  So Jennifer rather then telling me that to ask him ‘if there was still something there and if our break up was simply due to post divorce jitters (or as I termed it being ‘fucked up from his divorce’)’ was the wrong move, told me that if thats what I needed then she’d support me.  And support me she did.  She got me to walk through the conversation with her.  Damn smart of her I might add, as I pretty quickly learned what came across as sounding needy.

Photo taken by Christian V.

How did the conversation go?  I never actually had it.  I did call and we did play phone tag for a bit, and it was then that I realized just how lonely and insecure he made me feel.  I don’t want to be that girl.  Obviously not the guy for me.  I do thank him for finally having the balls (excuse my crassness) to finally let me go.  I also realized that there have been moments where I too have been guilty of stringing someone else along that I just wasn’t all that in to.  I endeavour not to make that mistake in the future.

And Jennifer – thanks for the discovery!

Other ‘my mind celebrities’ that I have written about include: internet icons Megan Cole and Matt Mullenweg (Matt is after all a very cute nerd), silver screen celebrities Kim Cattrall and Meg Tilly (both of whom won their way into my heart after hearing them speak), and Planet Green’s own Timothy Kuryak (I did mention Timothy in my Banff TV Festival posts, didn’t I? If not, I should have as he totally gets it on so many levels and is cute to boot!!!). Some of these people are already deemed celebrities in the public eye and others are now just gaining the press that they deserve.  Congrats Megan on making the top 20!!!!

Well dear readers, I have two new Sexy in Van celebrities for you – Lori and Richard Yearwood of Once in a Lifetime Books.  And yes, these two new Van City additions are a couple, so fellas I know she is fine, but she’s taken, so back off. And yes ladies, he is not too shabby either, but once again – taken – enjoy him as a bit of eye candy only! Look, but don’t touch.  Enjoying the scenery is not one of the 10 deadly sins, is it?  I digress, so who are these two new Van Sexies and why do they warrant celebrity status in my mind?  Well Richard is a well known actor, director, producer and writer.  I personally would like to see Richard, as the next Denzel Washington, playing roles that portray men of African ancestry in a positive light and not stereotypic, racial roles that for whatever reason still keep coming out of Hollywood. Lori, although not as well known, is clearly the brains, and an awfully sexy set of brains at that.

So what brought these two new Van Sexies to my attention?  Their relationship books from their own Publishing House, Once in a Lifetime Books.  The name of these books?  52 weeks.  And yes, they are as titillating as they sound.  You can make them as 9 1/2 weeks as you like – only they last much longer. The books come in pairs, a his and hers version, and having read them both you really do want to be playing with one of each, as Richard has a bit of fun manipulating each genders weekly ‘task’ to heighten its pleasure. They even have a set for the Christian man and women, which I was told was not suited to me – but I thought I’d mention it in case (although I can’t imagine why) we have a tamer reader.

Richard claims in the introduction, that this book is for everyone – if you are in a new relationship, a relationship of a couple of years or a mature relationship.  This is the point at which I must protest – damn you Richard, it’s not for me, as I am currently between relationships.  I guess I’ll just have to find the right guy to try out these books with.

Now I don’t agree with Richard on all counts, as he suggests in the men’s book that this is their ticket to freedom, to be allowed to go out with the guys without question.  I do agree with him that this is healthy in a relationship and that your spouse should be able to go out with their friends on their own, I just don’t get why you wouldn’t trust your spouse or why they wouldn’t trust you or why you’d be in a relationship that lacks trust.  In my mind a healthy relationship is built on trust and even if you don’t trust their friends or wouldn’t want to date their friends, you should trust them (no matter whom they are with).  And personally, having spent some time at ‘the ballet‘ (for research, of course), I can tell you that a real woman, that you love, who is dancing for you is ten times sexier than a professional dancer. I think this is the point that Richard is getting to for those that don’t understand this already – trust is what makes for a healthy relationship and is what can make it develop into the wildest sexual fantasy of your dreams.

While you take your time humming and haaing over whether or not you have the guts to bring the book home and share it with your lover, I will tease you here intermittently with a few of my favorite phrases or ‘tasks’ in the books.  Figure if these books are making me sexually frustrated over the lack of a lover to play with them with,  I should at the very least taunt and frustrated a few of you too from their suggestions.

Frustatedly yours,

Emme