Okay – I don’t know about the rest of you, but spring is definitely in the air. Those @^%^^$&*& pheromone are flying everywhere. Originally I was Miss Calm Collected – “I will write about spring time animal instincts of the rest of nature”, but as for me I wasn’t really feeling it and besides Mr What If (aka Scaredy Squirrel) kept floating in and out of my life, so my thoughts were a little preoccupied, being kept away from the raw animal instincts of spring, especially as Mr What If isn’t exactly in the 604.

Well that’s all been thrown out of the window now! Seeing as every which way I turn the raw primal nature of Spring keeps smacking me upside the head – that God damn Darwinistic adaptation of nature designed for survival of the species – SEX!!!!!! Bloody flowers flaunting all of their sexy bits for all the world to see.

Photo by Noah Bulgaria

Now being a single gal this shouldn’t really be a problem as why shouldn’t I be able to enjoy my sexuality and have a bit of a spring fling of my own. Well you see it is just not that simple -

1) Because I have only ever slept with people I care about and for me sex is totally mental, so it has to be with someone I care about.

2) I don’t want to fuck some guy up in the head that really cares about me, because I have a bit of spring fever. (And I have done this before – on more than one occasion – and I do seem to fuck them up)

3) Most of the men in my life I work with and I never want people think I achieved anything by “sleeping with a guy” and this is just so cliche of my industry. I was horrified on one occasion to actually have a not so gentlemanly fellow try the “old casting couch routine” on me, as he suggested of all things that he had a starring role for me in his documentary. All I can say is he’d better have been talking about the role of the host.

4) I work in the most gossipy industry and even though I don’t think I am anybody in it, I can’t even go to a screening with a guy without it being all around town the next day. No joke – this actually happened – got calls the next day from people that weren’t there asking who the “hunk” was that I’d been spotted on a date with. The “hunk” in question was just a friend – a happily married friend – so I had to do some quick clean-up on that one. And I am finding it increasingly difficult to go out anywhere in Van City without running into people I know. Goodness only knows what the rumors will be after I am spotted at the opera for a second time in one week with one of my male business colleagues.

5) Oh and to top it all off, a friend recently told me that he believes every time you sleep with someone new you leave a bit of your soul behind with them!!! And I can’t get that bloody thought out of my head. Lovely thought for someone who has been happily married since their early 20s, but what about the rest of us. Horrible suggestion as it suggests we should remain celibate or turn into soulless shadows.

So what is a girl to do!?! Substitute – chocolate and exercise – and lots of it!!!

Photo by Kit

Yours frustratedly,

Emme