This week’s word:  Mom

Mom: This is not a word that we felines use, except with the feline that conceived us, washed us and fed us, in those first few days of life.  My two-legger refers to herself as my Mom, which leads me to believe that Moms are the creatures that feed us and respond to our every whim.  I refer to my two-legger as my servant, so maybe Moms are that, only I get a feeling that there is something more. Really hate to admit it, for fear that it will get my two-legger to big for her bridges, but I do believe that something more is Love.

‘My two-legger is somewhat of an exceptional Mom, as she acts as a wonderful heating blanket every night (only someone should really tell her that to be a blanket, she shouldn’t move), she cuts me up the succulent green little tree-like things, and she’s always there for a hug when I need one.’

My 'Mom' in all of cuddliness. Someone just needs to tell the silly two-legger next to her to move on. Those are my hugs.

~FFR

Cross-posted from hummingbird604

This week’s word:  Blogathon

Blogathon: A day that confirms the fact that two-leggers are far below the feline on the evolutionary ladder and really not all that bright.For some reason, these two-leggers spend an entire sunny summer Saturday blogging. One new post every half hour.

‘My two-legger often makes me meow in aspiration, but at least she was not as silly as Raul to join a blogathon and spend a sunny writing a new post every half hour. There is hope for her yet. Now a sleepathon with a cat nap in a new sunny spot every half hour I can totally understand. Also totally get a birdathon, where every half hour we swat a new bird out of the air, especially the little ones that humm incessantly.’

Enjoying myself today on a sleepathon, whilst the insane two-leggers run frazzled on their blogathon.

~FFR

So this week’s word:  Dalliance

Dalliance: The silly, totally frivolous and often trifling activities that two-leggers get up to in the Spring and Summer, most of the time with amorous intentions in mind.

‘My two-legger is usually quite an intelligent creature (well as far as two-leggers go), but when this involves dalliance I have to close my eyes and ears to avoid witnessing the disaster that ensues. Does she not understand as a female (the superior sex, of course) that she should lay back and let the male two-legger perform the dalliance? They do after all seem to enjoy the chase. And then she’d end up with less egg on her face when its all said and done.’

One alley cat that is often doing acts of dalliance to catch my eye.

FFR

So this week’s word:  Hankering

Hankering: A yearning or longing, like the kind that happens in the pants of a two-legged male during the Spring.

‘Two-Legger, Lord Likely’s pants often display the signs of a hankering and not only in the Spring.  Based on the strut that Lord Likely has around my two-legger. I’d say he has a hankering for her, but then again he struts like that around all female two-leggers.’

Right now I have a hankering to give my two-legger a cuddle, especially since she's upset over her Mom. Hate seeing her upset. Photo by Lola May.

Cacophony: A mix of sounds so horrendous that they cause us felines to yowl and hide.

‘Some two-leggers think that the feline mating ritual causes a cacophony.  Admittedly, I do know a few Tom Cats that are quite boisterous in their singing, but if the two-leggers were smart enough to understand feline, then they’d realize that really this is beautiful love duet that is being sung.’

Baby two-leggers have a tendency to create a cacophony. Picture by Adrian Donatien

FFR

Beldam: Ancient two-legger of the female persuasion that hopefully has a good personality, as she is hard on the eyes.

‘I find it amusing to call my two-legger a beldam, not because she is ugly (she’s actually rather beautiful to me both inside and out), but because ‘she who prides herself on words’ misinterprets this word.  She thinks I am meowing ‘belle dame’, which is French for ‘beautiful woman’, so affection and treats are showered upon me.  Oh the irony of it all.’

Clearly a 'belle dame', not a 'beldam'.

FFR

Balderdash:  Total and complete nonsense. ie the sounds that usually come out of a two-leggers mouth

‘If a two-legger tries to tell you that the tray of smelly cheese on the coffee table is not for cats, that’s utter balderdash. As the supreme being, we felines will dine on whatever we wish, whenever we wish.’

'It is complete balderdash that no one has served me yet.' Photo by Cyrus Bulsara

FFR

Welcome to my new space.  Well mine, & I guess my human’s, new space.

Ordered the human to take this pic.

I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot on Sexy in Vancity, as I really am rather adorable.  I mean I am purrfect after all.  I just get a little cranky when Kittyn is around.  She has a tendency to stroke me the wrong way and make my hair stand up on end.  And the nerve to call herself ‘Kittyn’!!!  I mean really!  How can you possibly be so arrogant as to give yourself a name so fabulously feline when you’re a mere two-legger.

As far as two-leggers go, I have to admit I am rather fond of mine.  She’s not purrfect, like me, but then she’s not a cat. She can’t sit still for very long, forgets to serve me the bowls of icy cold milky stuff first, and has a tendency to go out gallivanting for ridiculously long stretches, as opposed to attending to all my needs, like a good human should.  She does, however, cuddle rather nicely, so I suppose I can overlook her short comings.

I am concerned about her writing as of late though.  She keeps writing about Vancouver events, radio shows and films and I really do find them to be rather a bore.  I am so much more worldly than that and I do want her to finish her book so that she keeps me well fed in the finest of feline cuisine along with the rather sumptuous tandoori chicken from the meat man down the road.  It is for these reasons that I feel that it is important for me to become her muse and start swatting her into action (I do, of course, mean literally). In this endeavor, I’m starting my own weekly column – Wiley Weekly Word.

This Week’s Word: Abscond

Abscond: To suddenly & secretly disappear, so as not to get caught. (ie. Think golden slobbering canine and an unwatched slab of meat)

‘My human tries to abscond with a bowl of icy cool milky stuff in the dead of night, but alas she lacks the prowess & stealth of the feline (rather she sounds a little like a clutsy elephant), so is none too secretive about her crime (because it is a crime to eat icy cool milky stuff without sharing it with the feline Goddess).’

6-leggeds abscond with the stocking (not likely in my house, as I rather fancy the crunchiness of 6-leggeds) Photo Absconded from Archie McPhee

FFR