So I mentioned in Valentine’s Singles that I love to be single on Valentines Day. Part of the reason for that is that I have so many friends that do or send me silly things that make me laugh on my single Valentines. Whether it is my parents sending me a card of a frog in a crown with his tongue stuck out, that reads “Some day your prince will come, but till then aren’t you glad you have friends like us!?!” (I know – HOW RUDE!!) or a personalized Harlequin Romance from the great European author Mr. Von Ritter.
Actually Mr. Von Ritter’s Harlequin Romance has to be THE GREATEST VALENTINES of all time. I laughed so hard that I cried – hell, I think I may have even peed my pants. Needless to say the cat was a little alarmed.
Here it is:
“But let's get back to the nitty-gritty - the frog! No Prince Charming in shining armour on your doorstep or in your closet? That's hard to believe. For such a prize (i.e. this lovely,charming maiden fair) I think all the knights (and frogs) in the world ought to be queuing up to win your favour. They probably are, but so far not one of them has proven worthy of you in battle and were thus slain and devoured by your minions Miss Roo and Mr. Bunikins!
Outside E.'s townhouse - sudden darkness - a flash of lightning - from a white mist emerges a dark figure (dark rumbling music turns into an angelic fanfare) - the camera pans slowly up from the metal boots over the shiny steel armour on the legs and lingers on the coat of arms on the breastplate- etched in gold on silver we see a dragon looking through the viewfinder of an HD-camera - the camera pans up further - a vicious-looking black helmet - the visor obscuring the knight's face - a gloved-hand moves to raise the visor - behold! It's Von Ritter the much-feared robber baron of the Black Forest! - Close-up V.'s hand in a chainmail glove knocks on E.'s door - from inside the house: the dark hallway facing the front door - with a creak the door opens and a narrow beam of light floods in - gingerly V. sets foot in the hallway, cautiously glancing around - skeletons of previous suitors lie in dark corners, empty helmets line the hallway - then suddenly - crash! Zosh! - Miss Roo and Mr. Bunikins appear and block V's progress, hissing and growling - close-up: pearls of sweat on V.'s brow - he slowly moves his hand to the hilt of his sword - he takes off the chainmail glove of his right hand - reaches down AND - cut to close-up of hand - we see Miss Roo licking V.'s outstretched fingers... To be continued!"
Mr. Von Ritter – I will be expecting the continuation this Valentines Day. I am dying to learn just what Miss Roo has done with all those suitors – or maybe it was them that were doing the dying.
As for the rest of my readers, I challenge you to outdo Von Ritter’s Romance! Who will pick up the gauntlet and battle to my side!?!
If you dare take on the challenge – the Username is Valentines and the Password is TellMeATale.
Happy writing dear readers!
With love and Valentines kisses,
Emme
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