The Crab Who Fought Back

I seem to have a knack for attracting critters and weirdo bugs.  They must smell my fear! It’s either that or someone has planted a hidden camera chip in me, and is getting a huge kick out of my reactions to the ridiculous situations I find myself in.  Emme Rogers has enjoyed her share of laughs at my expense and has attempted to fuel the fire by suggesting I combine dining and insects.  It’s a good thing I have friends who are on my side and kids who find her challenges insulting.  They set out to help me prove something to her.  Unfortunately for me, I think she’ll have the last laugh.

My friends came up with the idea to cook up some fresh crab and enjoy a night in with garlic butter and wine.  I had eaten crab legs before so I thought the whole thing sounded pretty good, except for the fact that crabs remind me of spiders.  Oh well, I figured my friends would lead the way, I would drink the wine and look the other way most of the time.  They did make me go shopping with them to buy the crab though.  We went down to a marina area so we could pretend like we ‘caught’ our own fresh dinner.  A lovely man reached into the hundred-leg tank and pulled out a huge crab like it was nothing.  The next thing that happened let me know this night was going to be more than I was prepared for; my girlfriend asked how to cook it.  I thought they had done this before!  When I heard the man say what we had to do I knew I was going to have to be involved, that this would be a group project and I could not hide from it.

 

 

 

 

We ran through the plan all the way home.  Take the crab out of the paper…pick it up in the right way to avoid the pinching claws, hit it REALLY hard on the middle of the sink to crack the shell instantly and have it be over with…remove the top shell and discard the parts we don’t want…boil it…eat it.  Of course the kids caught wind of our excitement and gathered around, refusing to miss our attempt at this.

Take the crab out of the paper: The crab slid right into the sink and turned around to stare at us. I have never looked a crab in the face before and I think we all froze for a moment.

 

 

Pick it up the right way: My friend’s husband was designated to do this.  He kept going for it, but could not commit.  Finally he made the move.  He did it all wrong and it was totally awkward, but he managed to get it into position.

 

 

Hit it REALLY hard on the middle of the sink: We missed the REALLY part and ended up with a sort of tap.  The crab jumped out of my friend’s hands and back into the sink and ran around like crazy with it’s big angry claws.  Oh the screams! The kids were screaming, we were screaming, the kids ran away, and we kept screaming.  Eventually we stopped, drank a lot of wine, and composed ourselves enough to try again.  Success!  Then it hit us, we had to do it two more times because we had 3 crabs altogether.  We got smart and kept the other two in the paper until the deed was done.

In the end after drinking more wine to forget everything, I was actually able to enjoy our meal.  It was really hard to eat it after I just saw it running around.  I did spill garlic butter everywhere trying to get the meat out of the leg, but no one can dispute the fact that I was an active participant in a crazy dining experience.