Griswald Family Vacations with Teddy: Renewing My Appreciation for Sarah Silverman and Masturbation

Blackened Pork Chops Saskatchewan-style

Teddy poising with one of our blackened pork chops Saskatchewan-style!

 

Some of you that were following along on twitter, G+ or facebook last night might have been wondering, “What the FU#%$^@#$@#!???”  Well, you see I was and I am enjoying a long overdue Griswald Family Vacation with Teddy in Saskatchewan, and as is generally the case when Teddy and I travel together, after our blackened chicken (& pork chops) Saskatchewan-style, the conversation moved on to more worldly topics …

“So Sarah Silverman just came out with this rap on masterbation … so yeah, what was my point???”

 

“Ok, I don’t remember my point on the Sarah Silverman masterbation rap video, only that it was a touchy subject.”

Curious, this led to a search for ‘Sarah Silverman mastribation’ on youtube and the inevitable debate, which after a glass or two of wine, we had online as to whether mastribation was spelled ‘mastribate’ or ‘masterbate’. Luckily for us, the act of mastribating has never required a licensing test, as as we discover we were both wrong, it’s MASTURBATE.

So the video …

 

 

… seems we didn’t need to know how to spell masturbate to find that either, only ‘Sarah Silverman Perfect Nights’. Rather apropos for our perfect night!

Randy Goulden: The Mother of All Rider’s Fans

Celebrating the Grey Cup Half time by using my blog to shamelessly brag about one of my friends, Randy Goulden.

My Gal Randy, as captured by Richard Gustin

Was never really a football fan growing up.  Didn’t really get the men in tights, slapping each others asses. That’s been changed, at least as far as the Saskatchewan Roughriders are concerned.  You see I think those sneaky little Prairie boys and girls have been somehow brainwashing me amoungst my many adventures through their fields of golden wheat.  I can’t proof anything, but …

How can little green men be anything, but infectious!?!

No, in all seriousness, their love of the game is infectious.  And I’m not alone.  After a summer in Regina, it seems to have got a hold of my buddy Richard Yearwood too. For me it’s a combination of meeting a local football star (albeit one playing for Edmonton), Graeme Bell, serving drinks at a local Saskatoon watering hole (Winston’s Pub – he’s no longer there), seeing him treat my 70+ year old friend as the most beautiful woman and most important person in the bar, and the intoxicating infectious pride Saskatchewanites have for their team the Roughriders.  Quite surprised that nobody has called a Provincial Holiday yet to celebrate them in the Grey Cup or to celebrate Rider Nation receiving the CFL Commissioners’ Award.  An award that my friend, Randy accepted on behalf of Roughrider fans with her son and granchildren – all Riders fans.  Way to go Randy!

GO RIDERS GO!

Eat Your Vegetables

Teddy – if you won’t take my advice on eating your vegetables, I thought this might help:

 

 

Kisses,

Emme xoxo

Griswold Family Vacations with Teddy

Teddy

Teddy

Meet Teddy – one of my grandest friends in the world!  He’s the most lovable, huggable Canadian Toon Town bear that there ever was.  He and his cat, Beams, are two of Fuzzywiggle Furrypants and my best friends.  Fuzzy’s and I generally make a point of stopping in for a Toon Town visit once or twice a year.

Teddy and I at Fox & Hounds

Teddy and I at Fox & Hounds

So how did I meet Teddy?  In the most glamorous of fashions, of course.  Hobnobbing at the Banff Television Festival.  Guessing most of you are picturing us dressed up all fancy at some well to do function (I’m calling it a ‘function’ as thats more hoity toity than a ‘party’) in the Rockies – you know, him in a top hat and tails with an eye monocle, of course, and me looking like I just walked off a runway in Paris.  The reality?  I think it included (although I must note here that it is a little fuzzy – altitude you know) late night, drunken revelry at the St James Gate with my favourite Canadian film folk, the Saskatchewan boys (and girl).

At any rate, somehow dear Teddy won his way into my heart despite frequent ploys to get me in my swimsuit and lounging  in the hot springs (my downfall in this was the words ‘hot springs’ – clearly another weakness of mine along with Teddy’s hugs).  And so the downwards spiral begins with regular Toon Town visits and adventures with Teddy that can only be described as our very own Griswold Family Vacations.

A few highlights from the latest Griswold Family Vacation:

  • Teddy announcing to me that, “It’s a good thing were not a couple, as our sex life would suck.”

I would like to note here to all future suitors:  This is not because I suck in bed (or in Teddy’s defense that he sucks in bed).  We’ve never really taken our relationship into the bedroom (we’ll thats a lie cause we have – okay, now I sound like a tramp. To clarify here:  our relationship has gone into the bedroom, but fully clothed – okay I was wearing the towel the one time – wow this sounds bad to my virtue.  OK heres how it is, our relationship has gone into the bedroom in a bath towel, but in the most platonic of fashions – we were doing a photo shoot – and NO not those kind of photos, I’m not that girl. IE TEDDDY AND I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX).  So to make a long story short, we don’t know how each other is in bed.  Teddy just has a habit of being sick whenever I visit and I always seem to have my period when I visit.

Bath Towel Photo Shoot

Bath Towel Photo Shoot

  • Our first ever hotel room together with a view of (no joke) the indoor children’s water amusement park.

Darn good thing the two of us weren’t looking for a little ‘rendezvous’.  The sounds of children screaming might have broken the mood.

A Room with a View

A Room with a View

  • Teddy loosing all hearing to a head cold and shouting everywhere we went.

My favourite was his conversation with his Mom into his cell phone at the top of his lungs in public about diarrhea.  It was a very proud moment for me to be on his arm.

Friday Night at the Doctors

Friday Night at the Doctor's

  • Teddy telling his dear Mom that he was thinking of moving in with me in Van City.

No wonder she thinks were dating. TEDDY!!!!!

  • Teddy’s response to the suggestion that a personal coach might help him follow a healthier lifestyle, “Oh I’ll see a personal coach if she’s hot and cute.  Better yet, you could be my personal coach.”  Once again, he did this in front of his 78 year old mother!!!

Teddy – take note, a proper personal coach needs to be accredited. Me giving you advice whilst wearing a skimpy towel generally isn’t as effective.  Please see my conversation with @cognoscento Try Jennifer Priest.  She’s hot, cute and a professional.

  • The incorrigible Teddy at his Mom’s and my discussion on how he needed to eat healthier and get more exercise, “Bed wrestling is a good full body workout and not at all stressful on the joints.”

Honestly!!!!  And he told me that I’d have to be the one to break it to his parents that we aren’t dating!  I wonder where they ever got that idea!?!

Love you Teddy! (and you too Beams)

Emme xoxo

A Love Letter from Teddy

I’ve been holding out on you cats. I don’t know if you remember my request for love letters?  Well, I wasn’t so sad as to not receive any. I’ve just been holding out on you and waiting for that night that I felt that I could use a little pick me up to my ego – cause we all have those nights and tonight seems to be that night for me.

Heart Candle by Bob.Fornal.
Photo by Bob Fornal

So here it is, the love letter my Toon Town Teddy sent me:

My Emme encounter – Miss Emme decided to join me for a brief visit in Saskatoon recently…this I will soon not forget. Tantalizing she was and she lived up to her reputation in spades! Little did I know of her Marilynesk demeanor in person, somewhat slithery and oozing of pure raw sexuality. A submissive behavior towards men generally. Then came the biggest surprise…an intense intellect that revealed an interest in politics of the day!! What a mixed bag of contradictions….and pure fun!! Come again to Saskatoon Emme..my pink room will always be available for someone with so much love for all of humanity in her heart!!

Teddy & I by emmerogers.

Now since this is my blog I feel it is important to comment here as I did to Teddy, “TEDDY – I AM NOT SUBMISSIVE!!! How rude! Still love you though!”

Teddy, like a true Prairie gentleman, did respond post haste.

Submissive is not exactly what I was trying to articulate….the word escapes me…actually typically, Emme makes me lost for words….this is exactly what Emme does…

Love you too Teddy!!! And the rest of you gentlemen, don’t be shy, I could use a few more Valentines. My email is emme@sexyinvancity.com or you can facebook or tweet me.