I first saw him on the Eve before the Games. We exchanged a brief, but ever so sweet kiss and my heart, that I worried had turned to ice, melted in that instant.
Being me – he is, of course, a complex fellow, and not all that easy to get close to. You see, he is somewhat of an International Celebrity. We stole a brief moment when no one was looking, but would I ever see him again? Would we be able to share another tender touch?
As luck would have it, he was needed to entertain the crowds last Saturday and his handlers were preoccupied, so he reached for the only familiar face on these foreign soils – me!!! I got to be on his arm all evening, to dance with him, to poise for photos with him and proudly introduce him (my future lover) to the world.
Celebrity or not, the time had come to seek out something a little more intimate, perhaps even a date!!!! Not wanting to offend and to respect International relations, I decided it was best to formerly request an audience with this delightful fellow in a more formal hand written letter to his handlers, of course. And then I waited and I waited….
Had I misjudged our connection? Were our cultures and customs just so different that I was so off on the typical signs of the mating dance? I simply had to know, so I mustered up the courage to go and see him one last time last night at Saxony House.
I was met by my worst fears. No, not that of unrequited love, but that of concern for the safety of this most gentle fellow. Saxel had been kidnapped.
My head is reeling in despair and disgust. This gorgeous beast was handcrafted with love for the Canadian people, he had agreed to leave his most beloved woods of Saxony to grace us with his presence here in Vancouver, and he had even agreed to stay, to be auctioned off at the end of the Olympics to raise money for a children’s charity. And how are these extensions of International friendship received? Someone kidnapped this beautiful, trusting Saxon soul, right from under the noises of his handlers. I ask, where were the police and motor security brigades, when this International travesty struck? What are they doing now to find this missing International ambassador?
I urge, you the people, Canadians and Internationals-alike, to help find my fellow, Saxel, and return him to his rightful home. Show him how good and kind we are as Canadians. How we would protect his hairy ass, in an attempt to see him free once more.
Saxel was last seen on Wednesday night at the Irish House. Any tips you can provide on his current whereabouts or leading to his safe return would be most appreciated. You can drop tips here or to my email at email@example.com.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!