6 Simple Words: “I’m Just Not That Into You” – Use Them!

I love being single. Meeting new people, feeling that bubble of nervousness, lots of romance and I get to experience this over and over again? Yes, please! Don’t get me wrong: I dream of one day meeting someone who I clicked with and everything that comes with the white picket fence. Until that day happens, however, I’m soaking in every minute of my singledom. This all stated, I have a bone to pick with the dating scene, at least dating in Vancouver: what is so wrong about telling someone you just aren’t interested in them romantically? I’m a big girl I can take it and I expect that you’re an adult and can understand the same when I feel that way.

Dating by Sergey Sus.

Photo care of Sergey Sus.

Everything seems to be going great for a few weeks when, all of a sudden, radio silence ensues. Now I’m not so invested after two weeks that I’m devastated by this. My issue comes from the waiting. I don’t want be wondering why someone isn’t calling, agonizing over it and I don’t deserve that when a simple, “I don’t think we’ll suit” would do just dandy. Maybe this puts me in the minority, but when did honesty, in a relationship or when dating, become passé? I have friends who tell me, “Don’t worry! You just need to learn how to play the game.” Well, I don’t want to play any games. I want to be as open with someone as I can, because if this is going to have any shot at being more than a fling, I need to be.

I’ve had trouble with the other side of this too. Last week, I had a first date dinner with someone I had met and corresponded online with for a few weeks. I knew I was not interested in seeing him romantically and so when he texted me later that night to go out again I answered honestly: “I had fun tonight, and I’d like to get together again, but it would need to be as friends, as I don’t feel any chemistry between us.” In answer to this I received a litany of obscenities and reprimands from this man. All of a sudden I was the “cause of all misogyny and misandry in the world” because I had leaned in during dinner signalling that I wanted to sleep with him. Really?! You’re reading my body language for trying to be engaged in the conversation rather than my ACTUAL WORDS!?!  The worst is that I felt guilty for this, for being honest. Could I have said it in a better way? Maybe, but this man had already told me he wanted a full-blown relationship after one date, so maybe there isn’t anyway to say it that he wouldn’t have taken offence to.

A few months ago I had a fantastic experience following a first date where someone actually was completely honest the way I have been. After asking him on a second date, this man replied that a long-time crush had just expressed interest in him and he wanted to pursue that, and he wasn’t the type of man to see two women at once. Wow! This is what I’m after: conversation that makes me feel like the adult I am, rather than a pimply teenager just starting my dating journey. I thanked him for his candour and we have been friends ever since!

Dating by Guian Bolisay.

Photo care of Guian Bolisay.

Oh Vancouver dating… Can we just put aside all the games and agree to treat people as the unique individuals we are?

A Van Sexy Date Pick: The Girl in the Frame, an Intimate Theatre Production at Studio 1398

Photo by Coleen Whitfield from the 2011 Colorado Firefighter Calendar.

Photo by Coleen Whitfield from the 2011 Colorado Firefighter Calendar.

I’ll admit it.  As a woman, I can’t help, but smile at the suggestion of a fireman.  Not sure if this is due to the brainwashing of pop culture ideology, or the stereotype that fireman are buff (and look good with their shirts off), care about helping others, and are fabulous cooks.  I mean really, what woman wouldn’t smile at that!?! It is after all the female fantasy for a MAN!

Relationship fantasies is exactly the theme of The Girl in the Frame, which had it’s Canadian Premiere at Studio 1398 on Granville Island with Intimate Theatre Productions last week, just in time for Valentine’s Day.  I went to the Media Opening Night on the Friday with a gal pal.  Yes, it was indeed another dateless Valentines for me, and as such I have to say, this was the perfect piece of romantic comedy for the week ~ laughing at our relationship conundrums.  And I would harbour a guess that a couple in a long term relationship would have found this equally as amusing as my single self.

You see it played on the idea of our relationship fantasies actually coming true ~ would you pick the fantasy or real flesh and blood mate?  Just imagine that girl that perfectly cooked your favourite dinner every night, happily watched sports with you, and was picture perfect in the white sundress. Or the guy that happily cleaned the bathroom without being asked, fixed everything around the house, road a horse, and enthusiastically played out your fantasies in the bedroom … Not to shabby, huh!?!

 

The Girl in the Frame with Intimate Theatre with Studio 1398

 

Now, while admitting that I smiled from ear to ear at the introduction of the shirtless fireman, (and would very much appreciate a man to clean and fix), I was far more attracted to the ‘real’ man in the scene, the one that was a little bit of a nerd. Now, I know that was ultimately what the moral message of the play was, to show us that really it was people’s imperfections and quirks that we fall in love with, but this thought went through my mind immediately after the initial grin for the fireman.  Plus I have never cared for what in my mind’s eye, I see as artificial or manufactured beauty, and that was just it with the two fantasies, they looked manufactured (purposely so, I am sure).  Loved that they actually expressed this utter boredom and distaste for the ‘role’ they had to play in life, when talking with one another.  So either the play did a real good job of driving their moral message through, quite early in the play, or I secretly (or not so secretly) fantasize about nerds.  I suspect it’s the latter, as there is nothing that excites me more then a warm soul and creative mind.

A huge thank you to the cast and crew of The Girl in the Frame for helping me to realize my ultimate fantasy ~ Jeremy Desmon (Book, Music and Lyrics), Aarom Lau (Artistic Director), Chris Adams (Associate Producer and Sound Designer), Joey Herbison as Alex, Robyn Leigh Johnson as Laney, Synthia Yusuf as Evelyn, Paul Almeida as Tomas, Julia Tomaino (Director), Wendy Bross Stuart (Musical Director), Kim Rosin (Set Designer and Painter), Adam Volk (Lighting Designer), Chris Sinosich (Costume Designer), Tami Sinosich (Assistant Costume Designer), Christina Dao (Props Designer),  Melanie Thompson (Stage Manager), Chelsea Ramos (Assistant Stage Manager), Ashley Ho (Assistant Stage Manager), Jaime Kopeck (Assistant to the Director), Joey Herbison (Vocal / Dance Captain), Alex House (Head Carpenter), Neil Pickup (Trunk Painter), Megan Simpson (Marketing Director), and Jessica Stuart and Don Scott (Pre-Show, Intermission and Post-Show Music).

You can catch The Girl in the Frame now until March 2nd, 2013, with Wednesday – Saturday performances at 8 pm, and a special performance on Sunday February 24.  Get your tickets here!

A Blind Date for Grandma

Happily I’m not in this predicament just yet (or not so happily, depending on how you look at it, as I’d love to have grandkids, one day).  But I’m curious, what would you do if your grandchild decided to set you up on a blind date?

 

 

To be honest, no one has ever set me up on a blind date.  Before, the idea would have petrified me.  I mean it seems like such an awkward experience.  Now, I guess still being single, I’d consider it, but I’d really have to trust the people setting me up.

Have you ever been set up on a blind date?  How was it?

Bringing a Tear to my Eyes

There’s something about the smokey, traditional jazz look of Imelda May that reminds me of Dad.

Listening to these lyrics broke my heart, as they are exactly how Dad feels about Mom.  He will forever be falling in love with her again.  Love you Dad!

Now if only I could stumble upon the man that love me like Dad loves Mom.

Kisses,

Emme xoxo

PS Imelda May is live this Saturday at the 2011 Burnaby Blues and Roots Festival.